Haven't posted in a bit.
My bad.
I've been slipping backward.
All of the progress that I've made in the last 2.5 years is basically all wasted because I'm back to where I was at the beginning/middle of 10th grade...only now I can't focus.
I have two papers to write today (since it is now Sunday..ugh) and I have no idea what I am going to do for either of them. And a shit ton of reading is sitting on my bed/in my bag but I can't do it because I can't focus. I just kind of feel like the point of all of this is gone. I want high school to end now.
On the bright side, I got in to every college that I applied to. Unfortunately, my decision making skills are fail so I have no idea where I'm going. I've narrowed it down to three but that still makes me feel like a piece of meat that Cerberus is fighting over (mythology nerd is present)/.
Fuck, I'm tired.
What happens?
Life.
Cool.
Another thing making me sad is I can't write, even though I'm mad depressed. I haven't written any poems since last February at the latest and I keep trying but all of my words sound awkward and utter shit.
I'm done whining now.
I hope my video is finished processing.
//Amelia
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Chivalry
Below are the lyrics to Chivalry by Thao Nguyen.
You can find her here: http://www.myspace.com/thaomusic
I have had this song stuck in my head for the last little while and aside from being a beautiful song, it has amazing lyrics which pretty much sum up how I'm feeling right now.
I could tell in the way,
He did not kiss back.
What's the use in painting faces?
You're never gonna find a shade to match.
Well yours is a common name,
And I hear it all the time.
Could belong to anyone,
It could never be mine.
I am tired,
I am through.
When I love I will love so hard,
Harder than I could love with you.
There's nothing in your eyes,
But slightly amused;
An offer of me you politely refused.
Is it that my heart beat too loud?
Is it that I did not bid it come down?
Your round about etiquette,
You hold the door but you won't let me in.
I am tired,
I am through.
When I love I will love so hard,
Harder than I could love with you,
Harder than I could love with you.
I won't make you flex emotion,
I won't make you come a little closer.
Do what you want,
Don't do it for me.
What's the use in chivalry?
I am tired,
I am through.
When I love I will love so hard,
Harder than I could love with you,
Harder than I could love with you.
I could tell in the way,
He did not kiss back.
I could tell in the way.
xx
//Amelia
You can find her here: http://www.myspace.com/thaomusic
I have had this song stuck in my head for the last little while and aside from being a beautiful song, it has amazing lyrics which pretty much sum up how I'm feeling right now.
I could tell in the way,
He did not kiss back.
What's the use in painting faces?
You're never gonna find a shade to match.
Well yours is a common name,
And I hear it all the time.
Could belong to anyone,
It could never be mine.
I am tired,
I am through.
When I love I will love so hard,
Harder than I could love with you.
There's nothing in your eyes,
But slightly amused;
An offer of me you politely refused.
Is it that my heart beat too loud?
Is it that I did not bid it come down?
Your round about etiquette,
You hold the door but you won't let me in.
I am tired,
I am through.
When I love I will love so hard,
Harder than I could love with you,
Harder than I could love with you.
I won't make you flex emotion,
I won't make you come a little closer.
Do what you want,
Don't do it for me.
What's the use in chivalry?
I am tired,
I am through.
When I love I will love so hard,
Harder than I could love with you,
Harder than I could love with you.
I could tell in the way,
He did not kiss back.
I could tell in the way.
xx
//Amelia
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Here Comes The Sun
Good news everyone (or all 0 of you who read this blog)!
I've had a good day.
It didn't start as a good day but it is.
I thought it was going to be awful because this morning started with Bible in Literature/Bible as Literature which is interesting but not all that fun, especially when you're like me and you have no idea about anything bible related at all.
So I felt like a tired idiot for an hour.
Then we watched The Manchurian Candidate in psychology. I've seen the first hour of it already so I guessed it was safe for me to sleep. I had happy dreams :)
Class meeting was boring and irritating but then I played music for an hour and went to lunch.
We had a senior lunch today which was good, not phenomenal but good, and then I went outside and played my ukulele on the quad. Today was beautiful and warm and sunny and it made me very happy and was nice. It is the first day that it has really felt like Spring and I cannot be happier...well, yes, I can but you know what I mean.
This is all very poorly phrased but I am tired and it is after school and my brain doesn't work and there is the beautiful voice of Kate Voegele (sp?) in my ear and it is making me feel very calm which is a massive change from yesterday where I was screaming and punching walls in anger.
Change is good.
I am now conversing with a lovely lady called Lex about the song I'm listening to now. In case you don't know, I am a Lexbian (not a typo, it means one who is subscribed to Lex) and I may be a bit of a fangirl..maybe...yeah.
Skype is a wonderful thing.
Anyway, I am going to pretend to be productive now, though I probably won't.
;;bye.
//Amelia
I've had a good day.
It didn't start as a good day but it is.
I thought it was going to be awful because this morning started with Bible in Literature/Bible as Literature which is interesting but not all that fun, especially when you're like me and you have no idea about anything bible related at all.
So I felt like a tired idiot for an hour.
Then we watched The Manchurian Candidate in psychology. I've seen the first hour of it already so I guessed it was safe for me to sleep. I had happy dreams :)
Class meeting was boring and irritating but then I played music for an hour and went to lunch.
We had a senior lunch today which was good, not phenomenal but good, and then I went outside and played my ukulele on the quad. Today was beautiful and warm and sunny and it made me very happy and was nice. It is the first day that it has really felt like Spring and I cannot be happier...well, yes, I can but you know what I mean.
This is all very poorly phrased but I am tired and it is after school and my brain doesn't work and there is the beautiful voice of Kate Voegele (sp?) in my ear and it is making me feel very calm which is a massive change from yesterday where I was screaming and punching walls in anger.
Change is good.
I am now conversing with a lovely lady called Lex about the song I'm listening to now. In case you don't know, I am a Lexbian (not a typo, it means one who is subscribed to Lex) and I may be a bit of a fangirl..maybe...yeah.
Skype is a wonderful thing.
Anyway, I am going to pretend to be productive now, though I probably won't.
;;bye.
//Amelia
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Whine whine whine
Okay hi.
Just so you know, this is going to be a very scattered me complaining about random nonsense....
So today is the first day in a while (almost a week) that I've woken up before 1 and now I remember why I don't wake up unless I absolutely have to. It is now 8:11 pm and my eyes hurt so badly, I feel like they are going to fall out of my face. Also, it turns out I woke up for nothing because I was supposed to go to therapy this morning but I got there and waited 20 minutes and she still hadn't come so I went home. However, being a dumbass, I didn't even think to pick up food on my way home so I was foodless. I ate a shit sandwich for lunch. And ice cream. Lovely. I'm so unhealthy. Today is also the first day I have left my house in three or something days.
I basically wasted my day watching random shit on TV. I didn't even play my ukuleles today. I played the piano for a bit though. I tried to record the piano part of Existentialism on Prom Night for my next cover but that ended up being utter shit.
Great.
GAP (Gilgamesh style)
After dinner now. I have the hiccups (sp?) way bad and it makes me so unhappy. It hurts my stomach. It's been crap. My eyes still hurt and now so does my stomach and I kind of want to stop this and go but at the same time I have nothing better to do. Sad.
On the bright side, there was a new episode of Bones today. Not sure how I feel about it. The show is kind of going to shit. Brennan spent next to no time in the lab and the ever changing interns are rather irritating. I miss Zack. I'm going to go back to watching the first three seasons compulsively like I have been since September.
Perhaps later.
//Amelia
Just so you know, this is going to be a very scattered me complaining about random nonsense....
So today is the first day in a while (almost a week) that I've woken up before 1 and now I remember why I don't wake up unless I absolutely have to. It is now 8:11 pm and my eyes hurt so badly, I feel like they are going to fall out of my face. Also, it turns out I woke up for nothing because I was supposed to go to therapy this morning but I got there and waited 20 minutes and she still hadn't come so I went home. However, being a dumbass, I didn't even think to pick up food on my way home so I was foodless. I ate a shit sandwich for lunch. And ice cream. Lovely. I'm so unhealthy. Today is also the first day I have left my house in three or something days.
I basically wasted my day watching random shit on TV. I didn't even play my ukuleles today. I played the piano for a bit though. I tried to record the piano part of Existentialism on Prom Night for my next cover but that ended up being utter shit.
Great.
GAP (Gilgamesh style)
After dinner now. I have the hiccups (sp?) way bad and it makes me so unhappy. It hurts my stomach. It's been crap. My eyes still hurt and now so does my stomach and I kind of want to stop this and go but at the same time I have nothing better to do. Sad.
On the bright side, there was a new episode of Bones today. Not sure how I feel about it. The show is kind of going to shit. Brennan spent next to no time in the lab and the ever changing interns are rather irritating. I miss Zack. I'm going to go back to watching the first three seasons compulsively like I have been since September.
Perhaps later.
//Amelia
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Hello There...
Oh hello.
This is my first blog and I'm not quite sure what to do or how this works yet but I'll figure it out soon enough.
I suppose some introductions are in order. I'll go first.
Hi. My name is Amelia.
My favorite superhero is Wonder Woman.
I'm half-Japanese and I'm extremely proud of my heritage.
I fit the stereotype of your typical Asian: I'm a classically trained pianist, I'm excellent at math, and I'm terrible at driving.
I'm addicted to YouTube: http://youtube.com/amelioooo and Twitter: http://twitter.com/amelioooo
I play the ukulele (soprano and baritone) and the piano.
I am legally blind without my glasses.
I watch movies like it's my job. Sometimes it's all I do.
I love art: both creating and viewing it.
I have synesthesia. That means I see numbers as colors. It is excellent.
I adore Zooey Deschanel. She is beautiful and my favorite actress of all time. I even like her more than Marilyn Monroe. I have seen 30 movies/TV shows out of the listed 37 on IMDB. Also, she was named after a Salinger character. Excellent.
My favorite TV show is Bones. I watch at least one episode every day.
I LOVE to read. But I have a hard time finding books that capture my attention quickly enough.
Endings play an enormous role in how I think of things.
I have completed an installation (art) and it is one of the things that I am most proud of.
Any questions?
Perhaps when I figure out more of what to write, I will.
Until then.
//Amelia
This is my first blog and I'm not quite sure what to do or how this works yet but I'll figure it out soon enough.
I suppose some introductions are in order. I'll go first.
Hi. My name is Amelia.
My favorite superhero is Wonder Woman.
I'm half-Japanese and I'm extremely proud of my heritage.
I fit the stereotype of your typical Asian: I'm a classically trained pianist, I'm excellent at math, and I'm terrible at driving.
I'm addicted to YouTube: http://youtube.com/amelioo
I play the ukulele (soprano and baritone) and the piano.
I am legally blind without my glasses.
I watch movies like it's my job. Sometimes it's all I do.
I love art: both creating and viewing it.
I have synesthesia. That means I see numbers as colors. It is excellent.
I adore Zooey Deschanel. She is beautiful and my favorite actress of all time. I even like her more than Marilyn Monroe. I have seen 30 movies/TV shows out of the listed 37 on IMDB. Also, she was named after a Salinger character. Excellent.
My favorite TV show is Bones. I watch at least one episode every day.
I LOVE to read. But I have a hard time finding books that capture my attention quickly enough.
Endings play an enormous role in how I think of things.
I have completed an installation (art) and it is one of the things that I am most proud of.
Any questions?
Perhaps when I figure out more of what to write, I will.
Until then.
//Amelia
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