Free verse

Something I just spit out at 3 am.
Tell me what you think?

What would I say if I told the truth?
What would they say?
What would you say?

It would change everything.
You. Me. How we interact.
That's a fact.

What would happen if I stopped lying?
If you heard what I think
If you saw how I feel

Maybe I'm cold and emotionless
Maybe I feel too much
Maybe I'm wrong

Maybe this face is the one you like best
The one that's most comfortable for you
The heaviest for me

Maybe my eyes don't twinkle anymore
My lips in parenthetical wrinkles won't move
Maybe I don't feel anything anymore

This is my life, it's all one big lie
There's not one ounce of truth
In this nightmare of mine

I'm awake in a dream
It gets progressively worse
And I'm dreaming again

I'm falling again
Trapped in a lucid prison
And I woke up without the key

It's a secret, you see
The way that I am, the things that I feel, the truth and the real
These things that I say mean nothing at all

Just the ramblings of nothing, nobody.
All the poets spout words, signifying nothing
Dripping in meaning that hasn't been found

They were somebody
Getting it all out but no one understands
We look for the truth

Finding ambiguity instead
Running lines through our heads
Getting frustrated by meaning that doesn't exist

Stripping the words bare and breaking the syllables
We do it to people too
Searching for an underlying meaning that doesn't exist

This is it
This is all we have
That is not what I meant at all.

Senior Trip

Senior trip was excellent.
One of the better three days of my life (I think).
Really, I'm so glad I went. All of my doubts and worries from my last post are entirely obliterated.
I think I was content/happy for most if not all of the three days and had no concept of time

The final tally:
3 days of excellence
2 days of water fights
2 nights of sleeping under the stars
1 EPIC mud fight
1 shooting star (my first)
1 Sparta kick (from Alex)
1 content Amelia
And countless amazing people

More happened but those were kind of the highlights.

It's kind of odd and lonely being all home and alone and clean and such.
Seeing people tonight and my sister comes home tomorrow!!!!

All in all I've had a wonderful week and I assume next week will be wonderful (and bittersweet) as well.
Off to watch Some Like It Hot and clean.

//A.

Senior Trip

So I'm leaving on senior trip today.

I don't know whether to be excited or full of dread because there are definitely some people that I do not want to see.

I'm also feeling more and more self conscious and disconnected from most of the people that I know and it worries me a bit. 

Hopefully I'll overcome whatever bullshit is bothering me and have fun, even though I currently appear to be a lobster.

In Kafka's words, "As Amelia Miyuki awoke one morning from uneasy dreams, she found herself transformed in her bed into a monstrous lobster."

LOL.

K off to shower and get on a bus full of people I feel uncertain about.

Wish me luck.

//A.

Finished?

I finished high school yesterday.
I can't believe it. I graduate in thirteen days. All I have to do is waste time until then.
I also can't decide if I'm happy or sad. I'm relieved for sure, but there's a lot that I'm going to miss.
This blog is going nowhere.
I'll write about Kafka sometime soon.

//A.

A question...

In 'Fever 103', Sylvia Plath says

"I am too pure for you or anyone.
Your body
Hurts me as the world hurts God."

Do you think the world hurts God???
Explain.


//A.

Mythology is great.

Hello.
I've kind of been neglecting this blog because of school. I've been trying to do work so I can pass and graduate and go to college.
As a result, I've been doing homework.
And when I haven't been doing homework, I've been watching movies and films (yes, there is a difference)
I've also made a few videos. Watch them: http://youtube.com/amelioooo
I'm at school now during a free period and I think I may go outside to read psychology because it's beautiful and sunny out and I would really like that...but I think the grass might be wet...tricky.
But yes.
I just barely took my Shakespeare and it wasn't awful but my essay was pretty much shit. I don't know when my German final is and then I have my psychology final on either Wednesday or Thursday and my Bible as Lit final on Thursday.
And then I'm done with school.
My stomach just got all happy feeling at that thought.

I'll write a better blog soon, probably about Kafka because he is amazing.
That is all, mythology is great.

Also, this basically sums up how I feel 99.99999999999999999999999999999...% of the time

//A.

Foxy foxy...

Hello.
Happy notsohappy Tuesday.
Most people who saw me yesterday/today know that I watched 'Transformers' for the first time recently and enjoyed it a lot.

Reasons why:
Lots of action and robots fighting
Megan Fox

Can haz girl crush?
Indeed.



She's not a very talented actress and we all know she's only cast because she's nice to look at but I mean really, who would object to that working on their car?
I'm sure everyone is sick of me talking about Megan Fox, I'm sick of talking about Megan Fox, but she's effing hot and there's really no stopping me once I've started. Sorry people, I'll try to refrain.
*I still like men and Zooey Deschanel. Just saying.

Anyway, I'm going to go watch The Notebook and sob and then go to bed.
Yeah.

//A.